In hindi there is a popular quote " Shaadi ka laddu, jo khaye woh pachtaye, jo na khaye woh pachtaye".
I am, on 19th of December going to eat this laddu. (Laddu is a indian sweetmeat). The idea of so called arranged marriages which still is one of the most prevalent forms of matchmaking in India ( and according to wikipedia in most of the neighboring lands like Pakistan, Srilanka Nepal etc) is not just one of its kind for the more open-minded westerner, who has to work hard to earn his "dream girl"; but also one that gives rise to a lot of intrigue and jealousy. Ya Jealousy, because some "Western" friends of mine told me this - " You guys have a very easy way, you don't have to win a girl, you just have to ask your parents to find one...and then somehow it works".
Well well, had one of these westerners seen the amount of arrangements and work that goes into an indian marriage, i am sure his ordeal would look like a walk through the park. In the past few days, I have learnt so many things about how the economics and the chemistry works behind an indian marriage, that i cannot compare it with any other learning experience. Even then i don't think i know enough. From the way you have to wear the dhoti ( Lets call it like a wraparound frock for guys!!) , the various rituals (sometimes the meaning of which even the priest is barely aware of!!), the various ego's that one has to satisfy, the various demands from everyone and finally to the different expectations from a innumerable bunch of relatives of the bride and the groom; every step is filled with something new that one has to learn by experiencing it.
Let me also tell my jealous friends that in India you cannot have "fun" with your "fiancees" like you have in your countries. Infact, you might not be allowed to even kiss her until you have tied the mangalsutra. And even then you have to be within the "Maryada" of the house and keep all your expressions of love to your private chambers, that is if you are lucky to have one.
This makes the institution of an arranged marriage, not so different from a buisiness deal. Its something which you decide once and then abide by it throughout your life. Some people do have the courage to go against this age-old rule and go for what are known commonly as "love marriages" in India. Where you first make love and then you decide to live together by tying the nuptial knot. In many cases this uncalled for courage comes with its own price tag which could range anywhere between a outcast status in your family, to in some cases an untimely end to life. (see the movie Love Sex aur Dhoka)
This post should tell all you guys who think an arranged marriage is simple...that both the guy's and the girl's side has to endure a lot during the days before the marriage. There is always a fear that something can go wrong...Because, the relationship itself is arranged one. It is still just like a brick wall without any mortar. It is only time and living together which ensures that this wall is strengthened. The bricks get bound with the cement of love and acceptance, gets basked in the sunshine of elderly wisdom coming from the parents. The most challenging part as chetan bhagat put in his book "Two states", is that "Indian marriages are not between two people, they are between two families" . This makes things way too complicated for any of my friends who feel that indian arranged marriages are simple.
In the end, we just leave it to the almighty. We must trust him and believe that, "matches are made in Heaven...or in Sivakasi!!" (Sivakasi is a famous indian fireworks making town!!). Matches made in Heaven need to be nurtured and realised on earth. This realisation is not the simplest of the things to do. You take people from differnt upbringing, different fianancial statuses, different learning, different point-of-veiw and put them together and expect everything to work out fine. It does sometimes, it doesn't other times.
However, my father who is into this matrimonial business for GSB's ,keeps telling me about the various failing arranged marriages. This has almost brought me to the conclusion that....the life of these are almost over. With the man becoming more and more busy and power-hungry, the woman more and more independent...a real marriage is expected only because of some social compulsion. SEX ( had to grab your attention by putting it in all caps!!) is no more going to be a reason for a marriage and neither the idea that you need someone to take care of you in your old age...because, these things are going to change in future.
We are becoming more self-centered and truely so because we have a short while to achieve everything..and most importantly...we have to compete against all those "career woman" who have taken pivotal roles in our society. The woman on the other hand has to compete in the "man's world" and has to make her mark. This leaves hardly anytime for a relationship...
Do i sound old fashioned or like an anti-feminist.?..I am neither...I just need a happy marriage and simple life...Rest as they say is for almighty to decide....
