Two more CCM's ( Cost Cutting Measures)

My friend Govind also known as GMW had written a real hilarious post emphasising the measures to cut costs being taken at our company (RAT). Since, I too work for RAT and also know AppuKuttan a.k.a AK who is notorious for having recuited me ( Rumors are that after he recuited me he never got a promotion!!), I wanted to inform you folks about two new measures that AK took after GMW wrote the post.

Eine

The where rumors that AK has been thrown out of his house by his one and only wife, because he could not clean up the garage on a sunday. While we were all sympathizing and trying to help AK by cleaning up his garage which had everything from the first toy that AK had, to the rolling pin used by his wife for various other purposes apart from making chappathis.

   It seems that only when we did this cleaning that AK had a brainwave, ( It is a mystery as to how he can have a brainwave, and our folks are trying to investigate hard....standby for the news ). Next day, the canteen sported a handwritten poster ( remember we have stopped printing....to save trees and costs associated!!)

                                                                           " Garbage Sale"
               There are a lot of used and unused items in the office inventory. These items are no
               more being used by anyone and hence, there shall be an auction to sell these. ....
               blah blah...


Even before i could finish the whole poster ideas started running through my brains ...
The only unused items I was really aware of in the office was the brains of most of our "so called" managers. Are they for sale? Who will buy them ?

thankfully the lower part of the poster clarified a little bit more

               Items for sale :
              1. Tubelights, bulbs --> We are using only candles remember!!
              2. Toilet paper      --> Being indians we should use our ancient methods of
                 answering       nature calls. Also RAT will promote this under the"Connect with our
               Nature" program. However, for visitors coming from other centers we shall provide
                used Newspaper.

"Oh my god...Newspaper...there will be news all over thier xxtt...Jesus.".i gasped. Even then i could not connect to the nature in this rare way...
            
              3. Calculators   --> We will be providing abacuses for those missing the calculators
                 badly.
              4. Toilet taps, sinks etc --> These used items are no more needed due to clause (2)
                 above...so please grab them

I could imagine myself grabbing the toilet taps and sinks after reading the last one....And even before i could get back to my senses, GMW appeared from the door and said, "Hey do you know they have put another notice in the cafeteria below"....

Zwei

GMW on the way to the lower floor of our office, asked me..."Hey tell me do you think we should bid for the toilet paper, maybe we can find a method to use it in our printers!!....". " Why not...How about purchasing all the bulbs too, we can smash them on Appukuttan's head" , and i am sure we can start a game in our Friday Parties...similar to darts !!', I said in frustration....

The notice said that all the telephones will hence be used only as intercoms. To make any call outside the office we were expected to use the coin phone which was put near the entrance of the cafe. I just glanced to see two repairmen fixing a dirty yellow box which looked like a coin phone. The notice also mentioned that this coin phone was unique and would work only with even fifty paise coins. I smirked and said, "GMW, with the salary they give us do they expect us to carry one rupee coins!!. Man thats a lot of money. ". Also, it was written below in bold that people are expected to use voice modulation as often as possible instead of intercom as that would ensure that our voices where always bold and strong!!.

And finally as i moved to the coffee machine i saw that power cable was disconnected, and a paper stuck near a handle which seemed to be a new attachement, which said...

" Move handle to grind beans and get coffee powder. This machine gives only black coffee..."
Note: The above only holds if the user adds coffee beans. Water is provided free of cost until further notification
                                                                                                                        -- Appukuttan

GMW winked and poured some coffee beans which he had managed to flick before Appukuttan got the bright idea, and I moved the handle...Well, This cup of coffee is definitly not everyones